Self-care is so incredibly critical to your mental health. I can’t even explain how important it is, but what I can tell you is that I didn’t take time for self-care for wayyy to many years and I know my mental health suffered greatly because of that.

I always thought self-care was silly or indulgent. Or maybe it’s just that I told myself I was “too busy” and needed to check all the things off my never-ending to-do list before I gave myself time to relax and just be. Which by the way is a myth, if you suffer from anxiety and not feeling like enough like I did for years, that to-do list will never be done. You’ll find something else you “didn’t do” to shame yourself for.

So in my 30th year of life, I finally realized that if I don’t take time to care for myself, fill my own cup up, and explore my own heart and what set it on fire, I was for sure headed for a mental breakdown.

I’m not going to lie, I came really close to this a few times. I don’t love my day job (shout out to everyone who feels trapped at their 9-5, you’re not, you can do it) and then we had a few stressful years personally not only with communication issues within our marriage, but also building our house and living in a camper was S-T-R-E-S-S-F-U-L.

Please hear me out before you think I’m a spoiled white girl whining about all the luxuries life has afforded me. I am blessed. I know this. I have privileges so, so many people on this planet do not. I have traveled to other countries. I am well read and understand the needs and great iniquities of this world we live in. However, I also know, everyone is battling their own inner demons.

Whether you live a generally comfy life or not, you will have struggles. And for a long time I was that person who was like “but I SHOULDN’T feel this way because others have it so much worse than me.” And let me tell you right now, that does absolutely nothing to help you. Thoughts like that only leave you more shamed and less happy. Learning to accept that you have a better portion than others out there, but that you are also ALLOWED to feel YOUR feelings is a powerful place to be.

Is it an easy place to get to, no. But you can do it. I believe in you. And so does God. (Or the higher power you believe in!)

That was a long rambling introduction to my freshly learned self-care tips!

Listen, you don’t have to take 5 hours every Saturday to yourself to make these work. I promise you can carve 20 minutes out of your week somewhere to make these happen! And if one of them you are like “ew that’s just not my thing”, that’s ok! We are all different and our self-care should be whatever we want it to be. As long as it replenishes you, refreshes you, and makes you remember what a f***ing bada** you are!

(Also this is a long post, but I honestly feel like these get better as they go, so hang in there with me!)

1. Get Dressed Up

This might sound silly. But since I’ve been planning our trip to Las Vegas (more to come on that), I’ve been planning my party outfits and let me just say they are FIRE. They make me feel good. Plus, I need to practice walking in heels, since I don’t really wear heels much in daily life.

These outfits are nothing like anything I would wear, even for a night out here at home. They are totally out of my wheelhouse and I freaking love it. They’re shiny, sparkly, and super risque, but they make me feel like a goddess.

So a couple times in anticipation for our trip, I’ve put on full makeup, done up my hair (realllllll big), and walked around the house in my Vegas outfits. While sipping vodka tonics and blaring music (see next point). And it feels amazing.

And listen I know not all girls like dressing up. Not all women like doing makeup. But you could totally gear this towards yourself even if this isn’t your scene. Buy some tinted Chapstick instead of the plain old stuff. Get a new pair of jeans that make your butt look extra juicy. Just get one piece of clothing you’re like “I will never leave my house in this, but I love it.” and rock that sh*t like nobody’s business.

2. Sing Your Heart Out

Let me start this point by saying I CANNOT SING. You can ask my brutally honest husband. Singing is not for me. It will never be for me. I could take vocal lessons for the rest of my life and no one would still want to hear me sing. And do you know what, I don’t give a f**k. If everyone in the world could sing like Carrie Underwood or rap like Ashnikko, their talents wouldn’t be so special.

But guess what, singing makes you feel good. There’s research that proves singing chemically makes you feel better. It releases endorphins just like exercising. And honestly, if I can get the same feeling without sweating, I’m all for this.

Singing has honestly really helped me stay calm and collected at work. I jam to girl-power anthems for half of my commute (I pray the other half.) I BLARE the radio. I sing my heart out in my car, dance moves and all, at the loudest I can. Do people at red lights think I’m insane, absolutely. Do I care, absolutely not.

This super simple switch has helped me harness my inner power. It helps me feel good before I get to work. And it reminds me how awesome I am and that I can handle anything the day throws at me because I’ve got this.

So in your car, in your bedroom, in the shower, whatever just sing your heart out. This is a super simple self-care habit because you can do it during something else you already have to do. You probably shower every day… maybe? Get one of those little shower speakers. Doing dishes? Set your phone on the counter nearby and rock out. You get my point.

3. Do Something Indulgent

I’m the “tight-wad” of our household. Ethan really enjoys living the YOLO life and has zero qualms about buying nice things for himself (or for me). It’s interesting because we both grew up in moderate income families. When I say moderate I mean we both knew we were loved and cared for, but there wasn’t too much “extras” in our parents budget. Money was always a hot button issue in both of our households and our while our parents did everything they could for us money was a limiting factor in our childhoods to an extent.

But from those similar experiences, I took that money needs to be saved for a rainy day. It should never be spent frivously and should be hoarded at all costs so that if an emergency arises there will not be a crisis. This I can assure you came directly from two things.

First, my papa always had this mentality. He did very well for himself. Came from very, very little and built a great middle-class life for his family of five all on his own. But he was frugal. The second factor of this was that my mom did NOT take away the frugal lessons from her dad and we never, ever had a rainy day fund. So if something went wrong we either had to ask my Papa (awkward) or my mom had to go into more debt than she was already in to cover said emergency. Not ideal.

Anyways, another long rambling aside I’m sure you don’t care about. Here I am 30 years old and still shopping at JC Penny for every single piece of clothing I own. Probably only twice a year. When I can hoard $10 off $25 coupons and hit every register in the store splitting my transactions up just so.

I want to tell you I’m exaggerating this, but sadly I am not. You can ask my husband…..

I also do this with beauty products. I use equate lotion on my entire body (face included), equate shaving cream, drug store shampoo and conditioner, and literally only wear eyeliner on a daily basis.

I do not enjoy dropping tons of money on “things.” If I spend money, I want it to be on experiences. Trips, food, concerts, anything like that, but not clothes or fancy products.

Until this year. My thirties have been like a whole life shift for me, I mean that quite literally. It has been the oddest thing. I’m fairly certain it was made even more of a WOAH year due to getting off hormonal birth control and having an IUD instead. So maybe not everyone has this crazy perspective shift?

But recently I have done some totally out of money control-freak character and BOUGHT MYSELF EXPENSIVE THINGS! (Within reason, calm down.)

First I signed up for Stitch Fix and kept every single item in the box. This was like five articles of clothing for $220. TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS. I am going to be so real with you right now, I have not spent this much money on clothing for myself my entire adult life. My mom would let me spend ridiculous amounts of money on back-to-school shopping in high school (see previous note about no emergency fund). And honestly that is the last time I can remember spending this much money on myself at one time.

For most of my 20s when I was the one footing the clothing bill I probably spent $200 a year on clothes (see previous note about scary couponing habit.) So doing this was way, way out of character for me. And do you know what, I regret nothing. The clothes are AMAZING. They make me feel freaking awesome. They were worth every penny.

I’ve also started spending a tiny bit more on beauty products for myself. Partly because of our Vegas trip (see I’ll need tons more makeup than I have ever worn before) and partly because I’m starting to have concerns about my dark circles and crows feet. Not serious concerns. I have unpopular opinions on Botox that I’ll keep to myself. But like concerned enough to try some semi-fancy cremes and serums.

And guess what, my skin looks super great! I still have the occasional breakout, but I’ve always struggled with this. But overall I look healthy and radiant and I love it! Having a nice complexion makes you feel incredible and confident.

So buy that top that seems extra pricey or that serum you’ve been dying to try, you won’t regret it.

4. Be Alone

Ok so maybe I’m weird. But I love being alone. And have always enjoyed being alone, even as a kid. Well not alone, alone because I was scared of the dark, but you know.

I know this sounds super strange to some people, but honestly I am very easily overwhelmed by social interactions. Especially large crowds. And while I love my husband and I also love the occasional party with friends, my alone time is also very, very important to me.

It’s important for a couple of reasons. I really don’t think you can truly know yourself if you are ALWAYS with someone. And I don’t mean this in a “girl be single, do you” kind of way. I’m not single. I have no plans on being single. I’ve been with my husband since I was 18 and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Sometimes though we do things apart.

And when I say apart, I don’t mean I go have girl time with friends (although that’s important too.) I am just really alone in these times.

Being alone forces you to listen to your own thoughts. Like really listen to them, without the distraction or influence of others. It forces you to re-evaluate how you look at things, at the world, at others, at yourself. It gives you the opportunity to decide which thoughts are helpful and which are harmful and it gives you the ability to definitively make decisions on those thoughts.

Having real alone time also helps you discover your passions. Being in your own space with no one else’s desires to deal with lets you try new things, journal, discover what lights you up and brings life back into your soul. You can really take time to reflect on what makes you happy. Not what you have to do to make money or what you should do because it’s socially acceptable, but what you just freaking love to do.

5. Never Be Be Afraid To Start Over

Maybe this is less of a self-care tip and more of a life mantra? I don’t know, but I like it so here we go.

I lived much of my life in fear. Some deep-seeded childhood fear and also some irrational self-inflicted fear. It’s crippling ya’ll. It has negatively impacted every portion of my life at one point or another. I should probably do a whole post about it, but that seems depressing and this is supposed to be uplifting.

Anyway, I know it seems hard. I know it seems impossible. I know you say “but I’ve got bills, and kids, and a husband, and seven dogs and a donkey, and responsibilities.” I know. I hear you. I have responsibilities too. I am still in this very moment working a 9-5. My husband is at a job that has grueling hours and is exhausting. I do not have everything figured out and I don’t know what lies ahead.

But what I do know. Is the past few months, I’ve changed my attitude. None of my external circumstances have changed. I have started eating better, exercising (in like teeny tiny doses, because let’s be honest I’m lazy AF), and practicing self-care however that looks for me at that time. I have taken back control of my emotions and been resolute in the fact that no one else will be the deciding factor in MY happiness.

Are there hard days, sure. Am I still stressed sometimes, of course. But overall, I am managing life at a so much better level and pace because I wasn’t afraid to do things differently. I changed my mindset. I started talking to myself differently. I stopped letting people walk all over me and I stand up for what I believe to be right. I harnessed my boss b**ch power and while I am still kind and compassionate, I am not afraid to start over. I am not afraid of the unknown and I know that anything life throws at me, I can and will overcome and triumph.

I also want you to know that I know this sounds like I’m a crack-pot and am throwing out some hippy-dippy bullsh*t just to make a blog post. But I assure you, I wouldn’t have wasted an hour of my day typing this if this was not what honestly helped me. And what I know can change your life too.

You just have to know you can take care of yourself, all on your own. And when you start treating yourself with the respect you deserve, other people will take notice of that and they’ll start treating you like you deserve as well.