Lessons in marriage are never ending I’m pretty sure at this point. These six lessons I’ve learned in our marriage are just the beginning, but have been so helpful to me, and hopefully will be to you also!

A little over two weeks ago we celebrated our SIXTH wedding anniversary. And while every year is an accomplishment, six seems like it pales in comparison to many people who have hit the 10, 20, even 50 year mark! (We have hit the 10 year mark of being a couple, we just waited until we were sure to get married. And by sure I mean an apartment, then house, and several dogs and cats later :P!)

What I’ve learned in these six years is that marriage is hard. Like really, really hard. I never want to be fake or misleading, that’s not my personality. So in honor of honesty, I’m being real with you. MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK. But it’s one of the most rewarding, incredible, beautiful things in the world.

So in honor of our sixth anniversary, here are six lessons I’ve learned in six years of marriage.

Don’t Always Listen To Old Wives Tales

You know those cutesy sayings like:

• Never go to bed angry!
• Marry your best friend!
• Happy Wife = Happy Life!
• Marry the right person and marriage is easy!

I call BS on all of this. It’s absolutely absurd.

First, sometimes going to bed is your best bet. When you’re both tired, hungry, and at your wits end there is no reason to drag the argument you are having (but neither of you can remember why or what you are arguing about, however, you certainly KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT!) out.

Go to bed. Get some sleep. Have some coffee and breakfast. Then see if you even remember whatever the heck it was you were fighting about to begin with. If you do remember, decide if it’s really something worth discussing.

Sometimes honestly Ethan and I are like we are both crazy, who cares. But when your body is tired and you’re under stress every small thing seems like a HUGE deal. And you realize that in the bright sunny new day, no one even cares so you forget it, laugh, have another cup of coffee, and move on.

If one of you really feels like you should have a level-headed fresh discussion about it, then by all means go for it. But hopefully, you can be more rational this go round and resolve the issue quickly.

The last three are just plain wrong.

It does NOT matter WHO you marry you WILL have disagreements. Now obvioulsy you shouldn’t go around just marrying anyone, but you see my point.

Ethan is my best friend. I truly believe God put us on this earth at the same time so that we could be together and share our lives. However, sometimes I want to punch him in his throat. I don’t do it. But the thought crosses my mind because we are both flawed humans. We both have different wants and desires and quirks. And when you put two opposites together, there will be some friction.

Sometimes You Need Help

And I do not mean from your mama or his mom or your sister’s-cousin’s-aunt. I mean from a real professional. Like a trained one with degrees and PLENTY of experieince.

Therapy was hands-down one of the best decisions we made for our marriage. We specifically found an IMAGO therapist.

There’s lots of information online regarding this therapy (including a search for someone near you), so I won’t bore you with the details. But basically our therapist wasn’t there to mediate. She wasn’t there to say ok you’re right about this and you’re right about this and this is what you should do about it.

She taught us to not need her (of course regular check in are always encouraged and needed honestly). But the point was that she gave us the tools and conversation techniques to be able to nicely, calmly, and easily work through our differences and arguments.

She showed us how to really, truly listen to the other person, and HEAR them without thinking about what our response was going to immediately be while they’re still sharing their heart.

This small piece made a world of difference.

We even recommend our therapist to our friends. I feel like even though the world is getting on board with mental illness and treating those who suffer from them properly and with dignity and allowing them to talk out loud about it, marriage counseling still has a little bit of weird stigma.

Usually the first question we get is “Oh are ya’ll about to get divorced?”. And my answer is always the same. Divorce never crossed our minds. We are both big believers in that marriage is for life. Aside from infidelity or abuse, I will go to the ends of the earth to make my marriage work and last. But more than that I want it to thrive and be a safe, happy place for us to enjoy our lives.

And that is why we went to therapy. To nurture our marriage and make it better than it was before. And Imago therapy for sure did that for us.

You’re Wrong

Man, this one is TOUGH for me. I am a little type A. Sometimes slightly overbearing. I want things done my way in my time. And guess what sometimes those are good qualities, like at work being an organized boss. Unfortunately, in my marriage those qualities sometimes make my husband feel less than.

I have had to eat a lot of crow and humble pie more times than I can count during our six years of marriage.

Just because something isn’t exactly what I think or it isn’t done exactly how I think it should be done doesn’t make it wrong or inferior. It just means it’s not how I saw something being done.

Ethan is super amazing at so many things. We’ve renovated basically an entire house ourselves and he headed most of those projects up. There were many times when I had been watching too much HGTV and was like can’t you just DO IT AND LIKE TODAY! (What I learned from renovating is that HGTV shows are extremely deceptive 😛 ).

Learning to let go and trust that Ethan can handle whatever it is that I think I can do better has been a hard lesson for me. But in the end many times the result is that he did it WAYYYYY better than I could have. And in the process I’m building my husband up instead of tearing him down with my micromanaging.

You Really Need A Sense Of Humor

Let me tell you, things WILL go wrong. It’s not if, but when you should ask. And the answer is always at the worst possible time. I’m sure there’s some law of science that states this, but my brain isn’t working all the way right now.

Life is hard married or single. So you can think about it like this. Would you rather go through the tough times alone or together? I would choose together every time, however that means sometimes you need to just laugh (sometimes until you cry).

Being able to let go of the small things, move on, and have a good laugh together is some of the best medicine for your marriage.

Always Believe Your Partner Has Your Best Interest In Mind

I’m really guilty of not following my own advice on this one. I get in my own head sometimes and when Ethan and I have a disagreement, it’s really easy for me to think up all the reasons he is PURPOSEFULLY *fill in the blank with whatever it is that is annoying/hurting/confusing me*.

But when you think about it, you didn’t marry your partner because you thought they were out to get you did you? No. You went into your marriage knowing how much this person loved and cared for you and that they would do anything they could to keep you happy for the rest of your life.

So why is it that in the day to day it’s so hard to remember those feelings from when you said “I Do”?

It’s really easy in a disagreement to clam up and only hear and see your side, but the other person most likely has some valid points also.

Whenever Ethan and I disagree on something (or let’s be real have a full out fight about whatever it may be), even though it’s really, REALLY hard for me in that moment, I try to remind myself that he loves me, he wants what’s best for us, and he has my back even if we disagree.

When you remind yourself that you and your spouse are a team and you both want what’s best for your lives, it’s easier to step back, calm down, and talk things out WITH each other rather than AT each other.

It’s Worth It

This one is easy. Marriage is totally worth all the hard lessons, arguments, miscommunications, and crazy small things that drive you totally bonkers (for example Ethan swears I “chew” milk and it makes his skin crawl, and he really enjoys “trimming his beard” no less than 2.5 seconds after I’ve deep cleaned the bathrooms).

But despite all the small things, once you realize how small they are in comparison and that you get to literally do your entire life with your best friend it’s completely worth it.

These six lessons I’ve learned in six years of marriage are just the beginning. Our marriage is constantly teaching me new things and pushing me to grow as a person!

What are some lessons you’ve learned in your marriage that have been helpful to you and your spouse?! I’d love to hear them in the comments!