How can you still show up for people and be genuine when “the feels” aren’t really your thing?

I’m going to be honest with you, compassion is not really my thing. I am not naturally a caring, nurturing person. I am more of a “suck it up buttercup” type of friend.

Through the years though, I’ve realized that my hardcore “get over it and push through” mentality is not always the best way to be. Not only for me, but certainly not for others who process and feel emotions differently than me.

In all honesty, this has been such a hard lesson for me to learn and take in and make changes towards. I sometimes just don’t understand people’s emotional reactions. I have a hard time relating to them in the sense that I don’t really feel big emotions.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m completely heartless or that I would tell someone to F off for being upset. I just don’t have as much empathy as some people do.

This has certainly caused me to come off as a b**ch many times in my life. I know people have completely misunderstood my reactions, and I’ve probably lost friendships over it.

In saying all this, I know someone out there can probably relate.

I know I can’t be the only unemotional woman (which makes it even more complicated, but that’s another topic) who just doesn’t know what to do or say in highly emotional situations.

So here are some ways that I have found over the years to be there for people, respond appropriately to the situation, and not come across like you don’t care, even when you don’t understand how the other person is feeling.

• Don’t fake it – people can always tell when you are insincere. It’s better to be honest rather then make someone feel worse with your fake comments. Sometimes if you can’t say anything nice, it really is better to say nothing at all.
• Relate to what you can – maybe you can’t relate to their big emotion about this particular thing, but maybe you can remember a time in your life when you had the same emotion, even if on a different scale or regarding a different event. Most of us have all been through some rough times, so think back to that time in your life and try to create some empathy.
• Remember differences make us who we are – just because you may not feel a certain way or have the same reaction doesn’t mean anyone’s reaction is wrong. Everyone is entitled to feel their OWN emotions and they are entitled to express or not express them how they see fit.
• Say something sincerely – If you are going to say things like “I understand what you’re going through” or “Please let me know if there’s anything you need during this time” mean those things. Many times people say empty words just because it’s what they have heard others say or they think it’s what the other person needs to hear. This isn’t the case if you don’t mean the words you are speaking.
• Just be there – many times you will find that people don’t actually need you to say or do anything, which takes the pressure off you if like me you are extremely awkward in emotional situations. I’ve found that much of the time, just sitting with someone and listening is worth much more than anything you could ever say.

I still struggle every day with being empathetic towards others (other people, not dogs of course). It is a conscious effort to try to remember to be kind, even when I don’t really feel like it. But every day is a new day to do something a little differently and a lot better!

I would love to hear your suggestions on how to show compassion and empathy when it doesn’t come naturally!